Monthly Archives: December 2018

why i dislike holiday music in november

Christmas is a strange holiday for the the Western world.  It’s a weird mix of secular economic greed and religious fervor, layered over tribal European traditions. It’s a holiday in which our culture values a combination of iconography as representative of connections and sentiment.  It’s also a holiday that countless marketing campaigns have made nostalgic and emotional in order to better push the purchase of physical and material things.  And in order to give us all more time to buy those things, in America (and by extension, Canada) it’s now also an eight week holiday, an orgy of capitalism that starts the day after Halloween.

In these so called “modern” times, we have also re-tribalized ourselves in how we choose to celebrate the holiday.  In recent years, some media channels have leveraged outrage to ensure that individual celebrations of Christmas are aligned to identity politics.  And like all identity elements, people are very attached and emotional about how the holiday is presented in the public consciousness.  People are hurt and disappointed when their image of Christmas doesn’t match up to the Christmas they have “in their hearts”.  Hence, the false perception of the “war on Christmas” for those who associate Christmas with the birth of Jesus even though it is NOT Jesus’ birthday.

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It isn’t that they don’t say “Christmas”, it’s that these cups represent a seasonal money-grab of unhealthy sugary drinks that are based purely on olfactory nostalgia!  HUMBUG.

It will fully admit that it is my own identity association, and my own attachment to the two-week max Very English Christmas of my family and hometown that has forged my general dislike of the eight goddamn weeks we now have to spend on this overly commercialized capitalist holiday as an entire season.  I cannot grumble enough about how much I dislike hearing Christmas songs in November, or how unnecessary it is to have holiday cups appear at Starbucks at Halloween.  I cannot make enough statements about how unnecessary holiday movies seem to be, the vast majority of which rely on emotionally manipulative narratives to reinforce a “true meaning of Christmas” as being about “the people one loves”…right before there’s a cut to a commercial encouraging one to purchase more stuff for the people one loves.  Christmas has become an extended exercise in emotional selling for secular America, a holiday no one can escape.  To quote my father, “by the time Christmas gets here, we’re all bloody well sick of it.”

So I grumble because I do not want to be sick of Christmas by the time it gets here.  I quite like the holiday season!  I love celebrating our world’s version of the Feast of Sunreturn!  I love everything to do with kindling light, whether it be a menorah or a Yule log.  It’s the part of the holiday where I feel the two sides of my heritage have a common denominator, instead of just being from as far apart as you can get within Europe.  And I love classical carols, even if I do find the metal versions more fun:

My idealized holiday season is to celebrate Hanukkah, and then follow that with a traditional Yule coated in a thin veneer of Dickens.  This, unfortunately, does not fit with eight weeks of commercialized American Christmas.   I want my Christmas to be an actual special occasion, not an extended holiday media and shopping season.  I want it to be a few days of extended meditation triggered by the dark of the winter solstice, expressed by burning a Yule log and the celebration of not dying through some evergreen foliage.

Being grumpy about the extended American Christmas season is also a strong family tradition.  My father would cheerfully remark, when Christmas themed commercials came on in November, that it was all a bunch of American capitalist nonsense.  Everyone thinks I’m a lefty because my mother was a hippie, but I come by my socialist leanings honestly on both sides: it was my father who pointed out every year that Santa was a creation of Coca Cola and Rudolph and Frosty were just extra commercial fodder.  In his family, the holiday was compressed to a few days with minimal decoration and classical carols because that’s what my grandparents could do with the time and resources they had.  To extend the season would be preposterous and wasteful; to add extra gratuitious emotions to it would be downright un-English.  (I honestly do not get how Love, Actually came out of the UK; it seems to drip superfluous emotion in the most non-English ways possible)

Where exactly is the line though between celebrating the holiday in a way that is true to one’s cherished family memories and traditions and caving to the commercialized version we’ve adopted as the de facto extended holiday in America?  Is it fair for me to be cantankerous about Christmas music in November just because my Christmas is more aligned to a Very Minimalist Northern England Coal Miner and Steel Mill Worker tradition?  Or does this put me in the same identity-alignment camp as those who insist we are taking the Christ out of Christmas?  By insisting that everyone needs to pare down Christmas, am I being as willfully culturally blind as the individuals who insist that Jesus is the reason for the season?

Maybe.  After all, there are many people out there who adore the extended Christmas season, and who love all of the trappings of the modern extended capitalist American holiday.  Someone must be the audience for all those Netflix movies about Christmas, after all.  It is unfair for me to insist that other people’s traditions and seasonal enjoyment are wrong just because my family believes that society could have well done without continuing to reinforce stupid anti-feminist romance tropes in seasonal movie plotlines:

And yet – and yet – one has to ask if perhaps celebrating a shortened minimalist holiday is better for everyone.  Does it really make people happier to have an extended holiday season, or does it create additional emotional labor for women who are reminded at every step of the journey that they are supposed to be making it a goddamn magical season?  If we shortened the season down to twelve days, if we set more minimalist expectations, if we made it less about the magnanimity of Santa Claus and more about not incurring the wrath of Odin, would we appreciate it more?  If we kept to the Dickensian Christmas Eve party, in its echoes of the old Yule feast, would we be more grateful for the celebration instead of being overloaded?  If we only sang the classical carols instead of listening to Christmas radio, would we be more likely to sing for joy?  There is some logic – and possibly more gratitude – to a shorter, less ridiculous season that has been long forgotten in the commercialization and subsequent extension of the holiday.  After all, even the Who’s down in Whoville didn’t start singing until the day of the holiday:

 

 

mama-ben adventure day!

Many years ago, I came up with the model for Mama-Ben adventure days.  These were days in which we would pick one or two activities to do together, usually in Manhattan, hence the “adventure” part because you never know what kind of adventure would await those who brave the weekend subway! With Ben’s sports schedule though, it’s been a while since we’ve been able to do a solid Saturday adventure together.  So yesterday, we decided that we would spend the day exploring and seeing things a little further from home, both in Manhattan and the Bronx.

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Ben is actually in the Bronx!

We started our day at the Harry Potter: A History of Magic exhibit, at the New York Historical Society on the Upper West side.  This was a literal history of magic as seen through a Harry Potter lens: historical artifacts from magical practices over the last five centuries, intermixed with illustrations and notes from the books.  A friend and I bought tickets for this in April for our Pottermaniac children to see the exhibit together.

Harry Potter exhibit at British Library
This made the exhibit a smidge drier than expected, even for my self-identified Ravenclaw.  While he had mild curiosity around alchemy as the forerunner of chemistry, and enjoyed the interactive elements (projections of Tarot cards were an especial favorite), not even the Natalie Dormer narrated audio tour could make this magical enough.  Individuals more into the magical aspects of the Harry Potter series, as opposed to the action elements, will get more out of this exhibit.  The exhibit was beautifully done, of course, with each room carefully crafted and designed to reflect the studies covered within.  I wish photography had been allowed.
We moved on from there to an impromptu lunch at Shake Shack: having run into another friend at the end of the exhibit with her two sons (the younger of which is also buddies with Ben), we decided to all get lunch together.  Believe it or not this was our first trip to Shake Shack!  Ben declared it the best burger ever.  We plan to test drive the method at home ASAP.
We headed from the Upper West Side to Orchard Beach after lunch, a half-hour drive across the Bronx and through the also unvisited Pelham Bay Park.  For the seven years we’ve lived here, we’ve clearly not prioritized visiting all the parks as we should.  Pelham Bay was lovely and huge, with an extensive shoreline that was austerely beautiful in the winter cold and grey.
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This reminds me of beaches in Victoria: it looks cold even in the photo
We had traveled out for seal watching with the NYC Park Rangers.  I am so grateful for the park rangers in this city: every single one of them has been amazing in their kindness, knowledge and in the joy they take sharing their love of nature and their parks.  For the seal watching, they had set up two high powered telescopes so we could see the dozen or so harbour seals lounging on the rocks just off the beach
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Ben is very fond of harbour seals: he bonded with the ones that live off the Oak Bay marina when he was just a toddler:

It was therefore meaningful for us to visit those seals’ New York cousins, even though I’m pretty sure that these Bronx seals were all WHAT’RE YOU LOOKING AT, PUNK.  Ben still enjoyed seeing them, and I appreciated the opportunity to show him seals that are not dependent on humans for food.  Ben is very concerned about the Victoria seals since the “no feeding” rules were enforced; these seals proved that even metro area harbour seals can survive without handouts.

From the seals, we stayed in Pelham Bay Park and went to the Turtle Cove golf center for mini-golf.  I was underwhelmed by the mini-golf course, which I suppose could be described as “minimalist”.  I suspect the positive reviews of the location are for the driving range, which looked quite nice.  However, we were the only people playing mini golf and they had a heater in the women’s bathroom so the experience was redeemed.  Also, Ben’s attitude towards mini golf is what most people say about pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s still just fine.  It was hard for me to say no to a second round, even in the ocean-adjacent chill. Fortunately, that was when one of Ben’s buddies mom’s texted, asking if Ben could come see Ralph Breaks the Internet with her son, and I was able to leverage that as a reason to skip Round Two. Also, Ben only wanted a round two because I had beat him, 49 strokes to his 63, and he is very competitive about his mini-golf.

It was, chilliness aside, a lovely adventure day.  Ben is getting larger every day, and needs me less and less all the time.  I’m grateful when he genuinely wants to spend time with me, when in-city adventures with Mama are more important than playdates.  I’m even more grateful when I can find an activity that is special to both of us, like going out to see the seals.  I do not wish to appropriate the phrase “spirit animal”, but in my British Isles heritage, there is the myth of the selkie instead, which both Ben and I insist we are when there is a plate of raw fish involved.  However, we are coming up on teen years, and I’m running out of days when Ben will want to acknowledge the significance of marina mammals in our family narrative.  Some day, I will just get an eye roll and a muttered “seals are so lame, Mom.” from him.  Until that day comes, I need to better prioritize the time I do have him for adventures like this.