In a Hyatt, somewhere

I’m in a Hyatt somewhere in America. I can’t say where for non-disclosure purposes just yet. Let’s just say its not the East Coast for once…although by the time my plane circled for twenty minutes and then sat on the tarmac for thirty more WAITING FOR A GATE, I might as well have been flying a lot further.

Anyways. I’m in a Hyatt tonight, in the middle of some office park sprawl. And I got in, and immediately went into my Hotel Routine. I arrive, set up my “office”, unpack my cosmetics and toiletries, and hang up my clothes for the next day. I settle in a bit first, and then go meet my colleagues for dinner if we’re getting together. I like having those few minutes to adjust to the blank space of a hotel room.

I admit, I kind of like being on my own when I am on these business trips. I miss Ben like part of me is missing, but all I have to do tonight is take care of myself. I’ll drink the Tazo herbal tea provided by the hotel, read for a while, and sleep. Tomorrow morning, I’ll get some coffee, work for a bit, and then get dressed and meet the team for meeting prep. No one else to cook for, no one else to take care of. Just me.

I don’t want it to always just be me. But for a night here or there, if I have to travel, I can at least appreciate being single natured.

I do miss Ben though. I miss his little chortle, and his new hilarious refusals (“No thank you welcome”). I miss being able to kiss his fuzzy little head, and I miss the smell of my baby. I miss feeling the solid weight of my toddler in my lap when I read to him. I miss hearing him tell me things – its still a novelty to hear words – real words! – come out in his voice. And, of course, I just miss being able to cuddle him, to kiss him and have him kiss me back and feel him snuggle into me.

Oh, and I do miss Paul too. Its just harder to be away from Ben. Paul, I can handle being away from for a few days before I start to really miss him. Ben, I miss when I’m away from, with an ache that intensifies the longer I’m gone. But both of them, I feel incomplete without. Being away from them both for too long makes me feel like part of me is missing. I have grown into being part of a tiny family, and when removed from it, I’m not quite whole anymore.

But still…even slightly incomplete, I appreciate being on my own. I like being a self-contained unit again when separated from my men.

And this independent career woman now has to get some sleep. I fly home tomorrow night…and then, I will have eight days of being with Paul and Ben all the time. I just need to get home and reunite with them first.

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