Yesterday, Paul and I were driving past a Mexican party supply store. At the next red light, Paul stopped, patted my belly, and said, “if you come out now, we’ll buy you a pinata!”
This is just one more in the series of attempted bribes to get our son to emerge into the world. Like:
– “If you come out now, you can play in your Fisher Price Rainforest bouncy chair!”
– “There is way more room out here – wouldn’t you rather be on the outside?”
– “We promise to swaddle you so you don’t get frightened by your own arms and legs waving!”
– “Look at all the goods & decor we have procured for your nursery!”
Paul has even tried ordering him, using all five or six final contestant names. For example: “Benjamin William Isaac Dylan James Tate-Boothe, you get out here right now!” But he doesn’t respond to that, either.
I’m trying to induce labor today by doing housework – mostly sweeping and mopping the endless hardwood floors of our apartment. No luck so far, except for the clean apartment. Seriously, this baby can totally come out now. He’s done. He’s also eight pounds of weight that is pressing down on my pelvis & lower ab muscles, and it hurts like a sonofabitch. I’m wondering if doing hula hoop exercises on our Wii Fit would help use gravity to get him out – or if it would just leave me in more pain.
We’re as ready as we’re going to get for this baby. We have washed & organized all the clothes, burp cloths, receiving blankets, stuffed animals, towels, etc in baby detergent, and neatly organized them in labeled baskets on the shelves, or in the drawers under the changing table. The bags are packed for the hospital. Paul took the carseat to the Highway Patrol to be inspected & correctly installed. He also typed up all the notes from our childbirth and infant care classes, and I put them in a binder along with all the Cedars-Sinai handouts for reference. I mean, we are ready – and everything has been streamlined as much as possible for when we get home with a grumpy and confused little person.
You hear that, little guy? YOU CAN TOTALLY COME OUT NOW. There’s way more room out here. You might like that once you get used to being out.