Hi, my name is Jillian, and I watch VH1 reality shows. Yes, it’s true. It started with just Flavor of Love 2 and then ran to I Love New York and now I seem to be watching everything from Rock of Love downwards. Well, except Celebrity Rehab. That show is actually kind of boring.
Sunday night, Paul and I actually watched even more crap than we usually do. We watched Scott Baio is 46 And Pregnant because it makes Paul look like the MOST AWESOME EXPECTANT FATHER IN THE WORLD. Basically, now that Charles in Charge is over his fear of commitment to his girlfriend, he has to get over his fear of commitment to his unborn child. And everything that comes out of his mouth is the wrong answer when it comes to parenting. And what’s sad is that I think he’s supposed to represent the Typical Guy Having A Baby. But the girlfriend, who is thin, blonde, pretty, and despite the collagen lips, relatively adorable – still couldn’t do better than Scott Baio. Not only that, she had to get knocked up to make sure he committed!
Move on to the next show – My Fair Brady. Starring Christopher “Peter Brady” Knight, and his lipstick-lesbian model wife, this show wasn’t just a trainwreck, but a BORING trainwreck. There’s only so many times I can yell “YOU STUPID COW!” at the screen. But here’s this beautiful, 24 year old model, with a beyond idealized body – and the best she can do is a former child actor? The best she can do is a Brady – not to mention, one she fights with all the time? Seriously. As I understand it, these people met on the Surreal Life, which I HAVE watched when it’s on, although not that season, so I’m guessing that this is both of their big chances to stay in the spotlight.
And then there’s my staple, never-miss, Rock of Love Twenty women fighting over Bret Michaels of Poison. Many of these women are also stunning, beautiful, and some are actually not entirely stupid or untalented. And this is what they have to do to find a rocker they like? Catfight with nineteen other silly bitches?
The point is that all this makes me feel IMMENSELY better. Being thin & pretty doesn’t make you less desperate. In fact, it seems to make these women more desperate. Instead of saying to ourselves, “wow, these beautiful women have to settle for losers, what does that mean for me?” we should all be saying to ourselves, “wow, clearly what’s on the OUTSIDE doesn’t matter all that much, despite what I always thought.” I know this is all easy for me to say – I have a kickass soon to be husband, who is attentive and sweet and kind, and CUTE, and not to mention, who is going to make a wonderful father. But I didn’t GET that kickass husband by being thin and dressing like a skank. I got him by being awesome and not being a totally crazy bitch. Therefore: being thin doesn’t necessarily get you happiness in relationships. But being SANE, and knowing when you’ve found the right guy, pretty much will.
Hey, call it a life lesson from VH1. Besides, I think schadenfreude is the #1 motivating factors to watch these shows in the first place.