sometimes, finding zen is difficult

Today’s stress factors:

1. I have another unpaid parking ticket I didn’t even know about –
and now it is up to a $100 fine for being unpaid. AND past the
timeframe for contention. I am contesting it anyways, but bloody
hell! I haven’t even received a verdict on the $335 fine I contested
in October – and THAT was for parking in a handicapped spot that was
so coated in dirt and stray paint smears that I couldn’t tell it was
restricted when I parked at night.

2. The Canadian government is messing with some people’s citizenships, and even
though I was born IN CANADA after the law causing the problem changed
in 1977, I’m still worried enough to be applying for a passport to be
sure. Some native-born Canadians are falling through loopholes, and
my BC birth certificate may not be enough.

EDIT: I found this on the Canadian government’s site:

Persons who are citizens

3. (1) Subject to this Act, a person is a citizen if

(a) the person was born in Canada after February 14, 1977;

That was all I needed to know!

However, these are all surface stresses. These are little things –
OK, expensive things – but in the bigger picture, so many things are
right that I can Zen them out. I’m upset with myself for being
careless enough to cost $435 in parking tickets…but they’re not
definite charges yet, and even if they are, I can afford it without
missing meals. Mostly, I’m upset with myself for getting so MANY
parking tickets, because if these charges go through, it will be $600
total for 2006.

And the real reason I’m upset is because these tickets seem to be part
of a pattern, a pattern in which I basically burn money without really
paying attention, and a pattern in which I’m careless with tickets,
library fines, credit card interest – things I shouldn’t be paying,
money that I’ve lost for no reason. That’s what really upsets me –
that it’s part of a pattern, that it affects my saving abilities.
That I haven’t learned the lessons of being more careful when parking,
and I should just take my bike more to avoid the risk. That I’m not
paying enough attention, that I can’t save money, that this is why I
never seem to put much away despite having a decent-paying job and a
low-cost lifestyle. After all, what’s the point of bringing lunches,
taking coffee in go-cups, using the library for books and DVDs, if I’m
just going to wipe out a year’s worth of small savings with a couple
parking tickets?

So now that I’m a bit calmer from thinking through everything, I
realize, if this is the best I can do to worry about, I’m pretty set.
2007 will be a ticket free year if it kills me, dammit. And while I’m
still upset over the possibility of paying the old tickets, I can’t
worry about it anymore. I’ll just have to pay it, accept it, move on,
and try to be more careful. This is actually pretty accomplishable.
Is that even a word?

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