Monthly Archives: September 2005

angst, anger and antidepressants

I may get less angst ridden soon. My antidepressant prescription was refilled tonight. I’ve been on Wellbutrin for six months, and it’s been the miracle drug. It’s like having the walls and the tunnel vision of depression smashed open. It gave me the motivation and the hope to live my life this summer. Without it, I cannot be all I’m capable of: since going on it, I have simply become better at my job, at my volunteer work, in my life.

When there was a doubt that my new insurance, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, might not cover it, I almost lost it. I can’t afford the $150 tab a month to stay sane, and I didn’t have enough medication left to cover a waiting period while I got my doctor to write a generic prescription that I could have filled at a discount Internet pharmacy. So when I missed pills on Saturday and Monday, I decided to let the half life go, and went off it this week. And today, when the drug finally ran out of my system, I started to get sick – hopeless, miserable, and with a headache to kill.

Even I can’t muster Zen in the face of hardcore antidepressant withdrawal.

But it was approved today, and now I’m back on it, and I’m going to be jittery this weekend while I readjust, but I have my brain wiring back to what it should be. I look at the drugs, now, not so much as a sign of weakness that I’m not trying hard enough to adjust my brain chemistry, but as a way to re-wire my brain into what it should be. The Wellbutrin is how I get my brain to work properly enough to channel my spirit into the world. And without it, I don’t think I could run my life at the 110% that I like to run it at (two jobs, kickball, Code Pink, parties, friends, etc)

Blue Cross/Blue Shield, by the way? Bastards. I had to wait a week to get them to talk to my doctor, and then process the request. One more thing to deal with, how I’ll get the drugs I need to function if this ever happens again…but for now, I have a move to go through with, and a surf shaque to occupy, and finding out a backup source of medication will have to wait until next week.

photos from the weekend

No, your computer display is not set to “pink”:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jilliant/sets/1033997/

But I am very proud to be associated with this group:
http://www.codepinkalert.org/article.php?id=500

(I’m sure there’s a whole blog entry coming on women-only groups I have associated myself with, and the parallels and differences between a group like Girl Guides of Canada and Code Pink, but it’s still forming in my brain)

And here’s the Daily Show coverage of Saturday!
http://www.comedycentral.com/sitewide/media_player/play.jhtml?itemId=23470

I love seeing Jon Stewart make fun of A.N.S.W.E.R., for not sticking to one issue.

SHOW ME WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE!

(Author’s Note: This is yesterday’s entry, written on the plane from ATL to LAX)

I came through Atlanta this morning, on a plane change with Delta. It could have been O’Hare, it could have been any of the half dozen American airports I’ve bounced through while traveling cross country. I wished I could go outside and step on Georgia soil, but didn’t have time. I want to see the rest of this country, but this is not the time for it.

I was halfway through the concourse before I realized that my “STOP THE NEXT WAR NOW” T-shirt, which I’d worn as a badge of participation in DC, wasn’t quite the thing to wear in Atlanta. No one said anything to me, but no one said they supported the anti-war movement either. I wish there were more reactions in this country. I feel like if people were more reactive then we would be able to display the energy to stop this administration’s most destructive policies, war or otherwise. I would rather have been stopped in Atlanta, hissed at, glared at, cursed, than simply slide through unnoticed. I don’t think everyone can miss a five-ten girl in a Code Pink t-shirt, and I really don’t think that they can ignore the issue that the t-shirt – and that my presence in Atlanta by way of DC represents.

I don’t understand how the war goes unnoticed in America, and that’s why I went to DC this weekend to protest it I went because I wanted to be one more person at a rally and march that needed the bodies to get the attention. I went to scream, “wake up!” I went because I wanted to say to my country, “there are this many of us that believe, with all our hearts and minds, that this is wrong.” And everyone else who votes in this land needs to think about why we’re saying that.

Saturday was an incredible experience. I don’t think I’ve ever been anyplace with that many people all at once. Not that there was when Code Pink showed up, in full force, at 9AM to set up our stage and hand out our pink slips. The ten of us who left from the house in Takoma Park we were staying at all sat on the train together, and sang one of the songs that the girls had written for the march:

why why Mr President why? you didn’t fix the levees now the water’s too high, spending all our cash on a war that’s a lie…you don’t care if poor people die…

Protected: he brought me cupcakes!

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from l.a. to d.c. and back in less than 72 hours

I’ll be back at LAX seventy-one hours after I left.

Here are some clips of the reason I came out here!
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/24/AR2005092401701_2.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2005/09/24/VI2005092401545.html
http://www.cbc.ca/story/world/national/2005/09/25/anti_iraqwar_20050925.html

In my time in DC, I have:

  • been in a meeting with fifty women from all over America (various CODEPINK chapters)
  • seen Joan Baez sing (as did my mother before me at Vietnam protests) and heard Margot Kidder speak
  • met the founders of my antiwar group
  • marched with 10,000 women down Pennsylvania Ave.
  • marched with THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND PEOPLE through the streets of DC
  • carried a twelve foot tall pink slip reading FIRE BUSH in said march
  • met an absolutely amazing local guy in the process of protesting
  • spent the rest of the day walking around the Mall so the same guy could show me around
  • consumed grits in the state of Virginia
  • saw the Smithsonian American History Museum
  • met boadiccea in person for the first time!
  • visited the Green Festival put on by Global Exchange
  • saw a screening of the Ground Truth at Busboys and Poets
  • learned how to go without sleep almost entirely.

    It’s been an amazing experience, and I’ll write the whole thing up on the plane tomorrow. Meanwhile, I have to be out of here in two hours to catch Metro to the airport, and I have to come down from the weekend enough to work.

  • Protected: can i cross virginia off my state list?

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    made it to DC!

    I’m in Washington DC! It’s humid as hell out! Hooray for silicone hair product, or my Jewfro would be in full force!

    It’s CRAZY here though. I’m in a house in the suburb of Takoma Park. There are forty, fifty women here from ALL OVER AMERICA. Women introduced themselves from L.A., from San Francisco, from Atlanta, North Carolina and DC. There are women here from Chicago and Portland. It’s fantastic.

    I, of course, am blogging for Code Pink at our website at:
    http://www.codepinkalert.org

    Which is what I should be doing now, updating the Code Pink site with my blog and today’s photos. But here’s what I wrote for the CODEPINK site while I was on the plane:

    Continue reading