My biggest problem these days is that there is simply too much I want to do, and not enough of me to do it.
Or rather, I can do it all – but I have to get organized and manage my time really well, and I always seem to get distracted and fail to do so. Like, it’s tough to get up and do aerobics at 7am when I can’t find my sweatpants because I didn’t do laundry the night before, because I got distracted reading a book that shouldn’t have even snuck onto my reading list.
So there’s nine million things I want to do. Antiwar activism with Code Pink. Kickball with WAKA, which I have an organizational meeting for tonight. I want to get to the gym four days a week so I can get the last weight gain back off me (I always gain weight when I move to the States). I’d love to start doing yoga on a regular basis.
I want to be able to take in more information. I want all the websites and blogs I don’t keep up with downloaded into my brain. I want those ten books on Early Los Angeles to just materialize in my knowledge spectrum. I want to absorb everything, so much media – books, movies, magazines, music – and I can’t. I don’t read nearly enough on the Internet. I mean, how do you keep pace with everything out there? I can manage Gawker and Flavorpill L.A. and maybe /. and Boing Boing and the Black Table, but what about all the other sites I should be reading – and I’m not? What are they, anyways?
And how do I manage to keep up with the War in Iraq? Or, for that matter, the domestic War on Civil Liberties? Shouldn’t I be making time to read the Economist and Mother Jones, and backtracking through the literature on the most recent round of wars, if I’m involved in peace movements? (I joined the ACLU this week. I sent them my $20 membership fee. I’d better get some amendment research done over the weekend)
And then there’s my history research – oh, it piles up so fast! How do I get everything researched and written in the next year when I’ve already done a year of barely scratching the surface?
I want to see more live music in Los Angeles. Gabriel and Dresden next week? Hell yeah. I want to go to museums, go hiking, find mountain bike trails. I want to start pottery classes. And, of course, in all of this…I want to spend as much quality time with my friends as I can.
I think the problem is – I can’t do everything, and then I get discouraged that I can’t.
I really need to pull my act together. I’m only getting seventy or so more years in this lifetime, and it’s going to have to count if I want to get through everything I want to in the next ten before I have to settle my nomadic ass down. I have got to stop bouncing around and accomplish goals, dammit. I have got to get more goal oriented. I have got to focus.
It’s so hard though. Sometimes, the inertia is more than I can get past. It’s tough to get home, collapse, and then get motivated to go back out, even when I know I logically want to. Like, I missed Digweed at the Mayan recently because I didn’t have the right mindset after a long day – and then I regretted it. How do I get up the initial push to get past that kind of stagnation? How do I convince myself, yes, I really DO want to go to that spinning class so I get there five minutes before start, instead of slacking and distracting myself and then saying, “oh, it’s too late – I’ll have to miss it”? How do I push past that kind of laziness so I don’t regret missing something later? Does everyone feel like that, or am I just self-indulgent?
And why is modern life so complicated? I mean, I’d hit all this stuff over the weekend, but I have a TV screentest on Friday for a “camping makeover” show, and then Saturday I’m planning to go to San Diego for history research purposes and Sunday I’m doing another Los Angeles Metro Lines day with my friends, followed by a BBQ in the Valley and then Deep Dish are playing at the Knitting Factory…
…I need to stop bouncing and settle down.
Maybe I should just get a TiVO and stay in my room. Because everything I do seems to open up five more things I always feel like I need to start doing.