is this ironic or just painful?

Yesterday, I seriously pulled a muscle while moving a couch out from the wall so I could sweep behind it. I felt a white-hot thread of pain go up the right side of my lower back. Actually, it’s technically the upper part of my ass, but “pulled a back muscle” sounds way more serious than “threw out my ass”.

Regardless, it’s incapacitated me. I can’t walk properly, and definitely can’t bend at the waist. And engaging any of my core muscles hurts like hell – even rolling over in bed was painful. (Four hours sleep due to pain? Not fun.)

This is probably the most severe muscle strain I’ve ever had. I can’t remember anything worse. The irony is – I snapped this muscle moving a couch, as opposed to when I was demonstrating core strength/yoga moves and using my lower abs to push my legs and torso off the ground. I figured, if I was going to severely injure myself, I’d do it when I flipped my legs over my head and touched my toes to the ground behind me. Pilates might have made me more flexible, but it hasn’t made me any smarter or less injury prone.

So I hobbled to the drugstore this morning, cranked three Aleve into my system, and now I’m wincing while sitting at my desk. Biking was out of the question today – driving was borderline – and I figured, I might as well come in & work until I can find a doctor who will see me and prescribe some serious painkillers and/or muscle relaxants. I’ve never touched Vicodin in my life – recreationally or otherwise – but right now the idea of it sounds really really good.