Monthly Archives: September 2003

map to Mordor

Stolen from Fark, of course:

This rivals those Very Secret Diaries that I can’t remember the link to and am too lazy to find.

lesson #1246

When making salad dressing with ground mustard in it, DO NOT put in enough to blow your sinuses out when you consume it.

My nose is running from that salad now. Wowsa.

On the other hand – said mustard woke me up from my caffeine-deprived state. I started cutting back to half a cup of coffee today – not out of any real concern for my addiction, but because I’m detoxing this week, and giving my liver a break to apologize for trying to melt it last semester with Tanqueray and Absolut. Dear liver, here’s two weeks off, please metabolize some fat. But half a cup of coffee was just enough that I’m not having extreme physical symptoms – but I’m easily distracted.

What was I saying again?

Thanks to everyone who weighed in with online bingo suggestions. Keep ’em coming! Also, as a reminder, send me your gambling related spam – I’ll backtrack it, try to cut deals, and buy you liquor if I get anywhere with it.

Looks like I’m here for awhile, anyways – although my resume has been viewed by employers nine times in the last ten days or so, I’m not getting responses to it. And I got shot down by Google. Again. I keep trying to apply for media buyer positions there. Likely need more experience. Better go back to slingin’ the spam in the interim.

sunday mornin’, i’m coming home today

I’m back on the mainland again, and I’m off to go play another Sunday Ultimate doubleheader. I’ve skipped gym time all week so that my left quad could heal up. It was killing me when I tried to run – my left leg actually went almost numb at practice a week ago.

That, and I haven’t had the energy to go to the gym for some reason. I’ve been stressed about work and the LSATs lately, and it’s starting to make me a little crazier than usual. I have lost my sense of Zen (or, as my mother calls our family religion, “Zen Judaism”. Did I mention her sister is an actual Buddhist priest?)

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my quotable mother

There’s a sign off the Trans Canada just outside of town, at the exit for the Western Communities:

Sooke                  Highlands

My mother and I went out to Langford today to buy a monitor at a store run by one of her friends’ kids’. We took that exit.

MOM: “Oh, god, we’re not going to the Sooke or the Highlands, are we? I get shortness of breath when I see signs that say Highlands!”

(If you’re not from Victoria, you probably won’t laugh out loud for thirty seconds like I did.)

jilly needs your help!

Many people know that I’ve asked for help with work in the past – usually for them to send me their gambling spam so I can find suppliers. In exchange, I will buy them drinks if the supplier works for us.

Now, I have a new project: finding targeted women’s sites to advertise bingo on. The boss here suggested My reaction? “Isn’t that a bit smarter than what we’re looking for? That’s for mothers who are really interested in parenting – shouldn’t we be looking more for the kind of mother who slaps their kid around in a Wal-Mart parking lot?”**

I call it the “pink ghetto” – that whole lower-end-of-Lifetime-TV market. Trouble is, it’s all clustered on sites that are owned by bigger companies – Oprah, iVillage, E Online, eDiets – and these are places that don’t take advertising unless its for strategic branding purposes. They’re sure as hell not going to start taking penny-ante stuff like bingo. So any major name site, or site owned by a major name company, is out.

So, here’s the challenge, gang:

Are you a woman? Do you read stuff on the internet that caters to your interests? Post your links as comments now!

Are you a guy who has a girlfriend or wife who’s all girly and surfs what you consider to be stupid sites on the Internet? Do you mock your significant other because she keeps cluttering up the computer with ridiculously feminine crap? Post her history list here!

Are you Jean Teasdale? For the love of g-d, post your favourite pages!

Look, I’m of no use here, people. I use – but only to look up gumbo ideas. I hate arts and crafts. I read CNN, Fark, occasionally Slashdot, the Onion, and Suck. My girly interests – Cosmo, SaTC, are higher-end than this stuff. I want to find the women who are surfing the web from newly installed AOL-branded DSL in their trailer parks, who are running daytime TV in the background while shopping for muumuus online. I want desperate, lonely women who will sign up for bingo for the chat function as much as they sign up thinking they’re going to win something.

I have a major opportunity to do some good with bingo next week – I’d like to jump on it.

**Jillian apologizes if this offends anyone. And yes, I KNOW I’m evil

on & on & on

I came home this evening, took a nap, woke up around 10, and went to Safeway so I could get ahold of enough sugar to jump-start me into the second shift. It’s like being back at school – only without the Ausffice. I’m actually listening to Orbital – on and on and on, which suddenly brings back a rush of March damp air, sea salt, and the memory of the end of the school year – work, all nighters and all.

There is a version of this I also have downloaded – a live version of Halcyon mixed with Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love A Bad Name” and Belinda Carlyle’s “Heaven Is A Place On Earth” I haven’t heard it in years, and only just found it on Kazaa. I thought I’d imagined it.

I’m eating those terribly evil two-bite brownies right now. I have work to do – a mailer, some vendor prospecting, and of couse, those goddamn LSATs. Right now, I think I can score a 160 – but I have to be able to hit at least 165, and preferably 170.

Now, if I can just get the following accomplished in the next few hours, I’ll be OK:

  • put away three loads of clean laundry
  • find clothes to wear to work/ferry/shul tomorrow (it’s Rosh Hashanah)
  • shower & wash & blow dry hair
  • finish mailer
  • finish chapter on logic tests


    I can always sleep when I get home.

  • the kleptomaniac cousin of Buchanan’s McBumtouchy Bear
    McBumtouchy Bear’s klepto cousin has broken into David Letterman’s cabin.

    In other news:
    It’s like Diamond Age – only now!
    (I know I’m a geek. Shut up.)