Monthly Archives: September 2003

map to Mordor

Stolen from Fark, of course:

This rivals those Very Secret Diaries that I can’t remember the link to and am too lazy to find.

lesson #1246

When making salad dressing with ground mustard in it, DO NOT put in enough to blow your sinuses out when you consume it.

My nose is running from that salad now. Wowsa.

On the other hand – said mustard woke me up from my caffeine-deprived state. I started cutting back to half a cup of coffee today – not out of any real concern for my addiction, but because I’m detoxing this week, and giving my liver a break to apologize for trying to melt it last semester with Tanqueray and Absolut. Dear liver, here’s two weeks off, please metabolize some fat. But half a cup of coffee was just enough that I’m not having extreme physical symptoms – but I’m easily distracted.

What was I saying again?

Thanks to everyone who weighed in with online bingo suggestions. Keep ’em coming! Also, as a reminder, send me your gambling related spam – I’ll backtrack it, try to cut deals, and buy you liquor if I get anywhere with it.

Looks like I’m here for awhile, anyways – although my resume has been viewed by employers nine times in the last ten days or so, I’m not getting responses to it. And I got shot down by Google. Again. I keep trying to apply for media buyer positions there. Likely need more experience. Better go back to slingin’ the spam in the interim.

sunday mornin’, i’m coming home today

I’m back on the mainland again, and I’m off to go play another Sunday Ultimate doubleheader. I’ve skipped gym time all week so that my left quad could heal up. It was killing me when I tried to run – my left leg actually went almost numb at practice a week ago.

That, and I haven’t had the energy to go to the gym for some reason. I’ve been stressed about work and the LSATs lately, and it’s starting to make me a little crazier than usual. I have lost my sense of Zen (or, as my mother calls our family religion, “Zen Judaism”. Did I mention her sister is an actual Buddhist priest?)

Continue reading

my quotable mother

There’s a sign off the Trans Canada just outside of town, at the exit for the Western Communities:

Sooke                  Highlands

My mother and I went out to Langford today to buy a monitor at a store run by one of her friends’ kids’. We took that exit.

MOM: “Oh, god, we’re not going to the Sooke or the Highlands, are we? I get shortness of breath when I see signs that say Highlands!”

(If you’re not from Victoria, you probably won’t laugh out loud for thirty seconds like I did.)

on & on & on

I came home this evening, took a nap, woke up around 10, and went to Safeway so I could get ahold of enough sugar to jump-start me into the second shift. It’s like being back at school – only without the Ausffice. I’m actually listening to Orbital – on and on and on, which suddenly brings back a rush of March damp air, sea salt, and the memory of the end of the school year – work, all nighters and all.

There is a version of this I also have downloaded – a live version of Halcyon mixed with Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love A Bad Name” and Belinda Carlyle’s “Heaven Is A Place On Earth” I haven’t heard it in years, and only just found it on Kazaa. I thought I’d imagined it.

I’m eating those terribly evil two-bite brownies right now. I have work to do – a mailer, some vendor prospecting, and of couse, those goddamn LSATs. Right now, I think I can score a 160 – but I have to be able to hit at least 165, and preferably 170.

Now, if I can just get the following accomplished in the next few hours, I’ll be OK:

  • put away three loads of clean laundry
  • find clothes to wear to work/ferry/shul tomorrow (it’s Rosh Hashanah)
  • shower & wash & blow dry hair
  • finish mailer
  • finish chapter on logic tests


    I can always sleep when I get home.

  • the kleptomaniac cousin of Buchanan’s McBumtouchy Bear
    McBumtouchy Bear’s klepto cousin has broken into David Letterman’s cabin.

    In other news:
    It’s like Diamond Age – only now!
    (I know I’m a geek. Shut up.)

    acquaintancester, trendster, whatever

    You should all be on Friendster by now. You should also all list me, jilliant @ as your friend.

    spam spam spam spam spam
    New Cali law today – sets new legal precedents for spam, even if it’s impractical as hell to enforce.

    Can we say, “kissing ass to voters”?

    Oh well. Today, some guys came in and gave us samples of a product they want us to promote. It’s only active ingredient is camphor. The rest is peppermint and other oils. Smells like Vapo-Rub. It’s supposed to be a pain relief lotion. Ha. It’ll make injured parties smell like candy canes instead – and this is what I get to send e-mail out for. I told the boss we should sell it with a little bottle of sugar pills and call it a pain relief placebo kit.

    Half an hour more and I’m off to meet Naf for illegitimate theater and fattening food. Good. I’m hungry.

    phase two

    I broke down and ordered the Fat Flush package – book, cookbook, journal – off today, because I had a coupon to use. It reminds me of the episode of SaTC where Charlotte asks Miranda what kind of diet book she’s looking for, and Miranda says, “How to lose weight while sitting on your ass.” Yeah, that’s about it.

    That’s also the episode with the line, “Miranda went out with an overeater…and he over ate her!” Which I think is right up there with “funky spunk” as far as comedic obscenities go.

    Anyways, as long as I’m in a city where it’s ridiculously easy to get ahold of cheap vegetables and quasi-cheap quality fish, I may as well take advantage of that to get rid of the fat I accumulated while living places where it was ridiculously easy to get ahold of cheap faux-Mexican fast food and quasi-cheap steaks. Plus, I’m just getting annoyed with my body – it doesn’t seem to want to give up the fat willingly. It seems to want to fight to hang onto it. Bah, I say. Bah.

    This has been pretty much the high point of my day. Other than that, I’m going to see a one-man version of Star Wars tonight with nafspeak. Then we’re going to Swiss Chalet. Chalet sauce ahoy! May as well enjoy it now – I really am planning to be ready to accept some short term drastic measures on Monday.

    Actually, does anyone else out there want to do the fat flush thing with me, either in person or via support online? Maybe having someone else to account to would help.

    tell america i said hi

    I got an e-mail tonight from the Georgia Tourism department. This is because, in a fit of boredom, I once requested tourist literature from all fifty states. But i love the URL:

    I also totally forgot to mention Waffle House to Graham when he left for the South. There is a long story to Waffle House. First of all, it’s prounounced “Waffle Hooose” by my friends, because I still had a Canadian accent when I showed up in Texas in 1999. I was skeptical, at best, of the place, until dragged there at 3am on the 5th of July morning, enroute home from the Fourth of July out at the lake, by Tonya.
    memories of texas