The giant bruise on my left upper arm, the 4″ x 5″ mass of dark purple, black and blue, is because I slipped in the bathtub. It is NOT because my boyfriend is beating me! Stop looking at me like I’m an abused Kirkland housewife!!
I told my sister about her contribution to this injury. She gave me the exfoliant (Origins: citrus oil and sea salt) scrub that caused this, in part. I was exfoliating away, left foot on side of tub, standing on right toes, and suddenly…my right foot went out from under me, and I 180’d around and landed on my shoulder, just missing banging my head on the faucet.
MONICA: “I had faith in you, Jill. I knew you would probably be the one person to injure themself with exfoliant scrub, but I had faith that you wouldn’t.”
I swear, I’m going to start telling people it’s leprosy. Either that, or dressing like a sk8r grrl and carrying a board so people will think I’m just klutzy. Wait, I AM klutzy. Nevermind.